Drop & Aftercare

What is "drop"? When does it happen?

Kink drop (like many feelings) can be a different experience for every person. Most commonly, drop feels a lot like depression or exhaustion. After you have experienced a particularly heavy scene or play, a lot of social interaction, or a big convention it can feel like you have used all your serotonin and energy on people and play and can feel like you are in a rain cloud all day.

The chemical explanation behind immediate drop, as after a scene, can be related to stress. Research shows that drop is the final phase of stress where the body and brain are exhausted from sustaining the heightened feeling and adrenaline of the activity causing the drop. A more delayed drop after an event or more emotional scene that requires processing after the fact, may be more psychologically consistent with the reaction to a loss or grief; where what is lost is a moment of transcendence, release, or joy.

For some, this is not an immediate reaction but may happen hours, days, or occasionally weeks after the fact.

So what do I do about it?

The first thing that helps drop is giving yourself permission to feel this way. You are not the first person to experience drop and you will not b e the last. Nothing is wrong with you for feeling this way. If your day isn't productive or if you can't cheer up that is okay. Feeling your feelings and letting them pass is totally valid and there's nothing wrong with you for not snapping back. The best way to get rid of drop, is time.

Other things that help look a lot like self care. So whether that's a special food treat for yourself, a bath, or just alone time to read or do something you find restful and rejuvenating, make sure you set aside that time for yourself. Exercise and fresh food can also be helpful as they ground you in your body and give you a boost of endorphins.

Another helpful tactic is journaling or just writing down your feelings. Whether you share this with a friend/partner or just keep it to yourself, getting the thoughts out of your head can be helpful in processing and moving past the low feelings. Sometimes it can even reveal deeper issues worsening the drop. Addressing these can help you move through it faster.

A major thing to do to help with drop: talk to your people! Inform your partners and those you played with how you are feeling. People in your life appreciate being kept in the loop; and being affirmed and validated by those close to you (and often experiencing similar) can help you feel less isolated and low. If there is something specific that is not sitting well with you about your play, this is an opportunity to have a conversation about your reaction and feelings.

Can I avoid drop? Is there a way to prepare?

While avoiding drop does not seem to be possible, it is something you can prepare for feeling, which makes the process easier. Ensure you have held time for yourself to feel this way. Avoid scheduling social plans or work obligations where possible to give yourself space. Ask other members of your household with temporary support on chores or meal prep so you don't have to focus on spending undue energy.

The more you know about how you feel when you drop and process it, the easier it is to prepare to care for yourself in those feelings.

Are there different types of drop?

Sort of. Your drop will vary based on the activities you engaged in. More social events with more people will take more out of you and drop can be harder. Recovering from an intense scene may only take a few hours to a day, but recovering from a convention or event can be over a week. Overall, experiences are subjective. Try to remain gentle with yourself. And when in doubt, reach out to your network for support.

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Want to learn more about the research happening around drop? Check out an article we used as a resource

Please refer any questions to the mentorship email: ne.mentorship@gmail.com